>If there's anyone that can help you now it's Poseidon, god of the sea and hopefully preventer of aquatic rape.
>Curling your index, middle and ring fingers on each hand to make the holy sign you raise your hands above your head and pray.
>For the sake of Poseidon you keep things simple.
>"Please don't let me get raped, please don't let me get raped, please don't let me get raped!"
>In answer to your prayer a gigantic tentacle bats the shark away and disorients several of the dolphins.
>The clicking menaces wheel about as if to attack the gargantuan limb, but several more rise and bash the dolphins against the rocks until they finally flee.
>Well THAT was effective.
>The tentacles retreat and a finned head pops above the bottom lip of the cave.
>A kraken. Well, the gigantic fucking feelers should've been all the hint you needed.
>The pale purple girl waves at you with a bright smile and you edge closer to the cave mouth.
>Looking you dead in the eye the girl makes a circle with her index finger and thumb, then inserts the index finger of her other hand into it.
>You shake your head and point to the gauge for your tanks. It's in the red.
>The kraken's pretty cute and you wonder what she can do with those tentacles so it's not like you don't want to, only you'd die.
>She opens her mouth and a gust of gas bubbles out, then she closes it, smiles again, and repeats the gesture.
>They can do that? No one ever told you that. Holy hell, if you knew squids could do that, you'd... well, you'd fuck a squid.
>You always wanted to fuck a squid.
>Wait, did you? At that moment you decide it's been a lifelong inspiration. Aspiration. Whatever. Man she's got nice lips.
>You answer by starting to unbuckle your dive belt. The girl needs no other invitation to surge into the cave to join you.
>Your family and friends don't see much of you after that; living beneath the waves makes it kind of hard to keep up.
>You develop the ability to breathe underwater on your own and your new squid wife's friends are all nice enough once you learn how to talk underwater though, so you're never lonely.
>You never come to understand how Nemo never got sick of seaweed, but whenever you really need some change there's a nice steakhouse on the beach.
>Things really are better down where it's wetter.
END.
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