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Thunder and Lightning

Page history last edited by Sea Foam 5 years, 11 months ago

    Where to begin? It was a dark and stormy night—wait, way too cliche. Uh, the wind howled, beating the shutters against—well that wasn’t much better, was it? There was lightning and shit everywhere and rain poured from the sky as if the gods themselves wept over the horrendous plot of the book I was reading. Ooh, I like that. It was a night not unlike this, actually. Thunder clapped in the distance as I turned the page of my book and wondered for the umpteenth time that night why I was even bothering with that particular bit of drivel. For most people it was the kind of night to do exactly what I was doing: sit in front of the fire with a book and a cup of tea. But then, most people were arguably sane.


    Another bolt of azure ripped through the sky. One-one-thousand, two-one-thousand - BOOM! The storm was drawing near; that one'd rattled the plates a little. Sighing, I dog-eared a page and meandered towards the window—the one near our chimney—and stuck my head out.

“Gahahaha!” a feminine voice from above cackled into the deluge, “yes nature, show me your power! Do you seek to cow The Lightning with such a miserable display?!”

I shouted back, “Hey Fara, get down from there! You’re going to get shocked again!”

“The Lightning does not fear the lightning, Elmo!” She cried.

Wolves howl, pigs wallow, raiju mock the heavens. You get used to it eventually.

“Does The Lightning fear falling off the roof?!”

“Relax, I’ll be fine! Hey, you should come see this too! There’s lightning and shit everywhere!”


     My only reply was to close the shutters and go collect towels. If I didn’t get her dry the house was going to smell like wet fur, and if I didn’t get her warm she’d catch a cold. All this because Fara thought prancing around the house’s lightning rod in the middle of a storm was great fun. Such was life with a raiju.

I’d just settled back into my chair with a stack of the necessary supplies at my feet when another blindingly close flash of light, turned the night. The thunder followed immediately, a staccato roar barely perforated by a “gah” from the roof and the sound of something heavy landing outside the window as the last rumbles faded. Knowing what I would find but compelled to investigate anyway I once more headed to the window and stuck my head out.


     That wasn’t the first storm I’d seen since I married Fara, nor was it the first time she’d thought dancing on our lightning rod was a brilliant idea—though I have to admit it’s still something to see. Remember that thing I said about sanity? Well I am, or at least I know how to learn a lesson. Since I lacked the ability to stop my wife from dancing in the rain I had at least piled the season’s leaves beneath her usual spot. From that pile protruded one weasel foot, complete with a smoking sandal that crackled with the odd burst of electricity. Who called it? This guy.

“Elmo,” the raiju moaned. That wasn’t her “help Guglibear, I’ve just broken every bone in my wittle woosel body” moan, but rather the one that said “as soon as I can feel my legs again you’re getting sexed into a twitching pile, Elmo.” Not a bad moan, considering the circumstances. Or ever, for that matter. Don’t give me that look, you’ll understand when you’re older.


    Anyway, it was time to prepare. I knew indeed that I would be getting pounded quite thoroughly—one could expect nothing less from an overcharged lightning weasel—but given the situation I felt entitled to a little fun at her expense first. Nothing quite like the feminine equivalent of blue balls to take care of that. I was still clothed thankfully, so I threw on my rain cloak, picked up my boots and padded to the front door.  took my time rubbing my socks against the runner on the floor there while I wanted for my darling wife to recover and come a-knocking. By the time I heard her sloshing up the stairs I’d already built up a good charge and I slipped quietly into my shoes.


    Even a lightning strike and white hot lust weren’t enough to kill Fara’s taste for drama. Instead of bursting through the door she nudged it open, leaving herself hunched over and dripping in the doorway before me. Because of the light and damp her normally bright blue fur took a more purple hue, every bit of her clothing and hair as well save one stray chunk covering her left eye clung to her lithe curves. Her blouse had even gone opaque in the rain as highlighted by another flash behind her. She was the perfect blend of ghastly and sexual, and all completely by accident. As one would expect from a mamono. The raiju grinned upon seeing me already waiting for her.

“Here comes The Lightning,” she said, taking a step forward.

“Quite.” I held my hands before and matched her movement with one in the opposite direction. “Before The Lightning cums though, can I say just one thing?” She was silent; I took that for acquiescence. “Boop!” A motion so fast even the weasel’s reflexes couldn’t pull her away in time brought my finger to her nose at which point the energy mycarpet shuffling generated discharged itself.


    Mine was a tiny shock, less than Fara could’ve generated on her own in under a minute with her hand in her robes, but that was on top of whatever the gods already had bottled up inside of her. It was also an annoying little opening gambit to the game of cat and mouse dear Fara didn’t know we were playing yet. Half a second for her to react to the shock then recover and decide on payback, and… you’ve seen the look. When the weasel decides she wants me to go down she has a tendency to fling herself straight at my waist. She did the same that time, but I pushed off of her shoulders and vaulted over her rather than going down. She was still twisting over herself in a confused pile as I dashed off into the rain.


     My lead was shorter than I’d hoped; another set of footsteps dogged mine soon after I’d left the yard. Her zap range was short on a good day and the rain wouldn’t help but that didn’t stop the girl from trying. A blue flash, a pleasured yelp and a splash told me my wife tried and failed to shock me. Knowing how fast she recovered that’d give me at least thirty seconds before she stood up and then her legs would be weak so she’d run slower. I planned to make use of the advantage but I still hadn’t made my escape.


     The rain meant Fara would have trouble sniffing me out, but unless I planned on running in circles there still weren’t many places to go. Luckily I knew some people not too far away. With Fara still safely out of sight I rounded a corner and made for Carol’s house; if anyone would let me in at that hour of the night it would be her.


     Carol, my oldest friend and ex-next door neighbor. We still hold a place for each other in our hearts when we weren’t bickering, you know. Surprisingly she was still up; not long after I knocked I made out the sound of footsteps over the rain. The door opened far enough for one blue eye to take me in before being flung open the rest of the way.

“Guglielmo Franklin Watt!” Yeah, she actually used my full name. Your mother doesn’t even do that when she’s pissed, but Carol seems to delight in the opportunity. The slight blond human female within continued, hands on her hips, “do you know what time it is?!”

“My hour of need, most esteemed friend.” I shouldered past her and shut the door, leaving us both standing in the hall. The lantern Carol held was barely enough to see by, but she still squinted up at me.

“Explain.” I did. “So you’re telling me that your wife got struck by lightning and fell off a roof but you’re here chatting with me instead of getting her medical treatment?”

“She’s fine.”

“And because she was electrocuted she’s now horny as hell and seeking to pin you down for a lovemaking session likely to last for hours.”


“And you’re running from this?”

“Well… it seemed like a good idea at the time. Anyway, I feel like making her work at this a little longer, can I use your guest bedroom?”

“Fine, just… she’s noisy, make sure she actually catches you somewhere else, okay?”

“I was planning on it. All I really need is a way to delay her a bit before I double back and head for home.”

“If that was all you wanted why didn’t you just climb a tree and jump down after she’d gone past or something?”


“Didn’t even think of it, eh?”

“In my defense I’m cold, tired and being chased by a dripping wet weasel. I should be allowed a few mental lapses.”

“You know, sometimes you—” A knock at the door cut a likely insult short. Years of tandem mischief meant no communication was required for me to bolt for the guest bedroom and Carol to walk to the door, no doubt preparing a good yarn as she went.


     Once in position I crouched next to the door. The room was dark and cozy, not a bad hiding spot at all. I stole a glance at the trap door to the attic but quickly decided against hiding that deep; it’d just make it harder to get out. Fara would know Carol too well to believe anything she had to say; she’d push past the girl as easily as I had and if she found me up there, well, things would happen. Once my favorite raiju inevitably burst through the door and sailed past me I could make a break down the hallway. My last challenge then would be making it home unmolested so I could be molested in comfort AT home. I waited with bated breath as the door opened, then closed. Not even slammed, just kind of… shut. That was weird. The unmistakably clawless sound of human feet on wood approached and Carol nudged the door open.


“She left.”

“What? Why?”

“Don’t know, she just asked for you, I told her you weren’t here and she left.”

“You don’t think she actually believed you, do you?”

“I don’t see how, I wasn’t trying very hard and she knows you almost as well as I do.”


“You heard me. I had a head start, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, well… you could’ve just told her I was here or something instead of letting her leave.”

“You’re right.” Carol smirked in that cute but also blood-boilingly annoying way she had and leaned against the doorframe. “I think you might’ve just frustrated your wife more than you intended, h—”


     Dramatic timing is the most delicious thing when it’s on your side, but when it’s not? Total pain. Carol and I both jumped at the clatter behind us. I spun to find that the ladder leading up to the attic had been dropped and where there was once a panel in the roof there was naught more than a deeper darkness. From that hole emerged a pair of lightning blue ears and then, upside down, the face of my lover. Her head swivelled, our eyes locked and she grinned.

“The Lightning strikes from above, Guglibear.”

To this day I’m still floored by how bloody clever that move was.


    Flat-footed no more I had the good sense to duck. It was all that saved me from the burst of energy that sparked across the room. Not being the veteran of several wars in a raiju’s bedroom Carol lacked my good sense and took the bolt full on in the chest. She and the current both went to ground, one with a pop and the other with a moan that would make any man pat himself on the back for a job well done. Don’t worry, you’ll get that one when you’re older too. Where was I? Right. My friend had been acting as an obstacle blocking the door, but now she was little more than a tripping hazard; I jumped her body—taking quick note of the sloppy smile on her face—and booked it to the door. Once again the weasel had to recover herself, I used the precious time to earn myself a few extra seconds into the rain.


    Need must have spurred the raiju on, when I hazarded a glance over my shoulder she was right behind me and gaining. And naked. We weren’t even close to home yet! I hadn’t planned on making a show of my wife’s body when I left the door earlier, but even worse than that If I didn’t find a way to slow her down somehow I was going to get taken in the middle of the street like a total slut!


     That thought ran in circles through my head until suddenly the world went white. That familiar coursing pleasure rushed through me, banishing the cold of the rain with a heat from within even as I toppled face first into a carriage rut. Seconds later Fara crashed atop me, more stumbling than pouncing but the result was the same. We lay there panting for a minute that felt like an hour, luxuriating in that shared pleasure like lovers do before a need filled us both. Dear Fara accomplished the awkward task of flipping me over while yanking my pants off. I helped by groping every inch of exposed skin I could reach. She was just poised to start the act in earnest when I summoned a burst of strength to place her beneath me. I’ll never forget the look on her face as I pinned her down with my weight and leaned down to whisper four masterful words into her ear: “here comes the thunder.”

“And that’s how you were conceived,” I said with an imperious nod. Little Tess, the most well behaved of my triplets and currently my only audience wrinkled her nose.

“Ew! Why’d you tell that long story anyway? All I asked was where lightning came from!”

The other two had lost interest part way through and now wrestled in the corner squealing babble at each other; I ignored them and focused my best pout on Tessa. “You didn’t want to know how little bolts of lightning are made?”


“Fine, then go ask your mother.”

“Where is mom, anyway?”

“I don’t know, but I pray to—” My half-hearted request for intercession from any deity that could be assed was cut short by an azure flash unnervingly close to the house a window rattling boom. I cowered, but three sets of ears that same shade of cobalt perked up; the twins even stopped their tussle to gawk. I knew that look.

“Now girls, I know what you must be thinking right now, but it’s very important that you don’t go outside because there’s lightning and shit every—”

“GAHAHAHA! I AM THE LIGHTNING!” Fara cackled from atop the roof. That was it: the gong that started the fight, the spark that started the fire, the slide that started the avalanche. The instant I saw the stampede of daughters breaking for the door I knew it was already too late. Rather than trying to catch them and frustrating myself I instead found my cloak and went for the door. Maybe there were a few last leaves to rake up...


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